Headlights
by arcticponkey
Summary: COMPLETE. Hollstein. Set directly after 1x36. Carmilla's POV. A thunderstorm prevents Laura from sleeping during their first night together. Carmilla attempts to "lighten the mood", but that backfires royally, leaving the vampire to deal with something she had not seen coming; the story of Laura's mother as well as the true extent of the girl's feelings for her – and vice versa.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

 **I had this thought during a re-watch of the series; why would Laura know anything about the moment right before a car crash or create that immediate association? We never learn, where Laura's mother is or what has happened to her. And have you noticed, how in 2x01, our favorite little creampuff is scared by the _lightning_ , not the thunder that comes with it?**

 **Enjoy.**

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I was finally about to step over the threshold towards the land of dreams, when the low growling sky ripped me right out of my pre-sleeping trance. It broke the transition and so I growled back in disapproval and opened my eyes.

They adjusted to the familiar darkness almost immediately.

As a creature of the night, it was hard enough to sleep during "my kind of daytime", with this "noisy guest" visiting Styria, however, it was next to impossible.

Maybe it was a sign. Somebody's way of telling us to get the hell out of this God forsaken place instead of sleeping time away. And while I was up and awake most of the time, capable of following that unsaid demand any second, my human companions – _Laura_ – were not.

The poor girl had fallen asleep some time ago, but judging from her constant movement every five or ten minutes, it was not a very restful sleep. After the first half an hour – and Laura almost hitting me in the head as she flung around – I had finally noticed the darkened skin right under her eyes. This was not happening for the first time. So the tiny human most obviously needed the rest.

I re-adjusted my blanket, that we were currently sharing, around Laura's thin shape and placed a small kiss on the crown of her hair, just as the nearing thunder once again sent its growling messengers. The storm was approaching fast.

I hoped that Laura would be able to sleep right through it, but that hope was crushed almost immediately, when she moved again as lightning flashed into both our faces.

"Nah– notnauw.", she mumbled incomprehensibly. "Dohn wanna ..."

The childlike gibberish almost made me smile contentedly, but my face wrinkled up in concern instead; Laura rolled towards the edge of my bed and suddenly curled up into a fetus position. That she took all of the blanket with her, so that the cool air hit my body, was probably not the only reason for my heart to freeze over painfully.

"No.", the tiny girl said, her voice much clearer, but also highly alarmed now. "You canno– no. _No_! Not both– Don–"

Her voice cracked fully, which was the moment I crawled over and touched her shoulder.  
"Laura.", I said as calmly and softly as I could. "Laura wake up, you're dreaming."

"You can't be– you _can't_ be ...", she responded, unfazed by my touch. That's a first.

"Creampuff.", I yelled, feeling very sorry for her, when I noticed that her cheeks were glistering with tears. "Wake up!"

Thunder cracked right above our heads in such intensity that my head flew into the direction of the ceiling in reflex. Just to snap back, because Laura was sitting up with a loud gasp herself. Her eyes darted, obviously not quite adapted to the darkness yet, and she was sticking out her arms as if she searched for something. Probably orientation or familiarity.

"Hey.", I said sweetly and reached for the confused human to give her just that.

Her slight flinch did not go unnoticed by me, but her shoulders dropped their defensive position when my hand rubbed over her tense back and neck softly. Laura took a shaky breath. Then, finally, her eyes settled upon mine and she sighed with relaxation. She used the back of her hand to wipe some of the teary stains from her cheeks, too.

"You were having a dream.", I explained. "Are you ok?"  
Laura nodded lightly. "Peachy.", was all she said.

I could see Laura open her mouth again when she noticed my interrogative face. However, before any words could leave her mouth, her face lit up in the blinding light of lightning. Right before she squinted her eyes shut, they widened – even watered first – until she duck away at last. While she hid her face in her hands and ultimately in my chest and lap, a great rumble followed the lightning.

I blinked, confused. "Wait a minute." – I could not believe what I was seeing. "Laura Hollis, the girl who was bold enough to face my mother, a centuries old evil ...", I smiled a little, when Laura pulled the blanket over her head now. "... is afraid of a little thunder?"

The amused smirk on my face grew into a full fledged smile upon hearing no protest from my girlfriend. There was only the rustling of the blanket as another roar of nature filled the room. It surprised me and so I flinched a little myself. "Well, it _is_ pretty loud, I guess.", I added to cut her at least a little bit of slack.

Suddenly, Laura's warmth left me.

With it went my rare cheeriness; the smile fell from my face and left me staring with wide eyes and an open mouth as the blonde sort of rolled out of my bed. In the blink of an eye she stood in the middle of our shared dorm room. And before I even knew what was happening, she walked towards her bed.

"Lau–", I started, but felt quiet in favor of her speaking.  
"I should sleep in my own bed.", she mumbled, almost like a whisper.

She sounded alarmingly broken.

"Oh come on!", I protested. "I didn't mean it like that."  
No response.  
"Don't be a buzzkill!", I pouted.

"I will only disturb you again.", Laura deadpanned. She was lying down in her own bed now – the yellow pillow clutched to her chest – her back to me.

"I was just messing with you, cupcake.", I said. Again, no response.  
"Come on, you know me!", I said.

Nope. No response at all.

My eyebrows furrowed. That tiny little human was acting very childish, with all that sulking. However, what to expect from somebody who had been around for less than twenty years? I had probably been the same, that age.

"I really didn't mean to laugh at you, sweetheart.", I stood up and walked over. Laura appeared to make room in her bed for me, but as I took a closer look at her and tried to reach out, too, I noticed that she was only trying to keep the distance between us. That realization hurt my un-beating heart.

"I will protect you.", I mumbled and touched her shoulder in an effort to comfort her.

That was when everything changed.

"Go away, Carmilla!", Laura screamed. So loudly, that I flinched in surprise. If she could, she would have crawled right into the midst of the wall besides her bed, just to get further away from me and my touch. I felt sorry for the yellow pillow – the one I loved for the sole reason it smelt so much like her – because it was stuck between flesh and stone and would have suffocated in other circumstances.

For a whole moment I just stood there and took her in. I was shell-shocked by my girlfriend's uncharacteristically aggressive behavior, but recovered soon. I had felt her shaking; there was something awfully wrong.

I sat down on the free space on her bed and reached out again. "The hell I will.", I said in the most serious tone I could muster without sounding utterly concerned instead. "You're clearly upset."

"I said _go_! Just leave me alone!"

Her voice was cracking again, which was all the motivation I needed. I shock my head in silence at her stubbornness, then, in a single swift move, I lay down besides my new girlfriend and pulled closer. I put my arms around her carefully, so that I would not scare her with my possessive touch; sure enough, Laura still protested wildly against the spooning. She even gave me a good elbow check in the guts once.

But it did not take long for her to stop the resistance completely. I clutched tighter as her shuddering became more and more prominent with each passing second. It was like I was trying to support my own heart that grew heavier and heavier as well; what had I done to upset her this badly?

"Leave me be.", Laura suddenly cried again. Tears were most certainly running down her face. I rubbed my cheek at hers and shook my head lightly. "Methinks thou dost protest too much.", I whispered lovingly and placed a soft kiss at her pulse point afterwards.

It only made her cry harder; she broke right then and there.

Laura turned around within my hold of her and we molded together like two puzzle pieces. In that moment, I realized there was no place I would rather be – ever again. She belonged to me and I belonged to her; it felt like this was the way it was always meant to be.

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 **Author's note:**

 **To be continued (once) soon. As always, reviews are very much appreciated :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:**

 **Sorry this update took so long, I re-wrote this chapter like 20+ times before I was finally okay with it. Good news though: because of that, the prior two-shot just evolved into a short story. The description has been changed accordingly.**

 **Anyways, enjoy this new part, which is very "Carm feels" centric.**

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It had been worse than the coffin; watching Laura cry her eyes out and not being able to help her. What I fool I had been, to think that with killing Maman, the bad days were finally over.

Most of the time that I had been reduced to one giant hanky, I hated myself. Laura had always known me as someone sarcastic – cynic, even – however, that damn defense mechanism, I had worked up right after Ell to save myself more heartache, had never felt so wrong before.

I still did not know, what I had said or done to bring the both of us into our current situation. Nevertheless, there was one thing I knew for certain: I never _ever_ wanted to see Laura cry like that again. Period.

Sometimes, the amount I cared about her scared me to death; despite being dead already.

Laura exhaled against my neck all of a sudden, the used-up oxygen feeling like a dragon's breath against my sensitive skin. At least she has calmed down now; it had taken 42 minutes. 2520 seconds – yes, I had counted – of an utmost feeling of heartbreak, before my little cupcake had finally stopped crying.

The only thing that kept bugging me about it, was the fact that it sure looked like she just had no more strength left to do it. Which was the reason I had closed my eyes some time ago, too, but had never seized to run the hand, that had crawled under her shirt, up and down her delicate spine. Despite the fact that Laura was seemingly vast asleep right now, she was still trembling.

Thunder crackled once more and I felt a sudden burst of anger rushing through my veins. I could have sworn that my fangs popped out for just this one moment of lost self-control. _Too bad vampires were not able to kill nature phenomena_ , I thought. Otherwise I would have done it already.

Out of spite – or at least I thought so – the thunderstorm worsened dramatically as several quick flashes of lightning traveled through our dorm room. Of course, they were also followed by heavy drum rolls of thunder, that had the power to wake the dead; I was barely surprised when I suddenly heard a light mumble.

"Sorry ...", the raspy voice said and I frowned. If it were not for my heightened vampire senses, I probably would have missed it altogether. I stopped rubbing her back for a moment to give her a light squeeze for added pressure intensified the previously faint sound of her steady heartbeat. How come this version of "Laura in a thunderstorm" was so much calmer than the one I had seen just an hour ago?

I looked down to where the tiny human's head was resting against my shoulder and stared right into her beautiful, but still teary and awfully tired eyes. The flashing lightning made sure that I saw it all. Even the slight droop of the corners of her mouth, that was so very much unlike her.

Laura looked defeated, it occurred to me. And I had never seen the normally chipper and overeager journalist major like this before. Not even when the dreams from being marked as a sacrifice had plagued her or when we had no idea how to defeat the Dean. Her eyes were bloodshot and looked like they hurt from just being used. Also, the more I thought about it, the more I noticed that Laura's normally feather light body felt like dead weight against me right now.

All in all, the girl I loved had a shocking resemblance to someone who had very nearly been sucked dry by a vampire. The thought alone made me shiver.

My left hand continued to rake over her back while I lifted the right hand from under my head to brush some hair behind her ear. Laura turned into the touch and ended up facing away from me as she buried her right cheek into my left shoulder once more. I felt her hands, that were tangling loosely besides our joined bodies before, settle at my waist to draw very light circles with her thumbs.

All the while, the storm raged above our heads and I could not help but wonder, what had changed; why both of us seemed so calm right now.

"I'm so sorry." Laura mumbled again and brought me out of those thoughts before I could dive any deeper. I put my free hand to her lower back, too, hugging her lightly and bringing us so close together that I felt like sharing her heartbeat now.

"Stop that." I said more sternly than intended. "You don't have anything to feel sorry for."

"Everyone always says that ...", Laura replied. It was once again rather silent, but the huskiness from before was still present and helped me to understand the near whisper.

I stayed silent for a moment, which was good, because the roar of thunder would have swallowed any of my next words anyways. Once the thunderstorm kept quiet again, I made a choice. I was not good at the whole "feelings thing", but I could try.

For her, I was willing to do anything.

"Hey Laura?" I started and got a soft hum in reply. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I watched the brunette carefully and thereby did not miss the way she closed her eyes slowly, but then squinted them aggressively to keep them shut. Her whole body tensed up, so that I, in response, loosened my grip around her. A bad feeling, that maybe this was not such a good idea, spread in my lower stomach, but I remained silent and kept watching her.

There was so much to learn. Like the way she almost unnoticeably bit the corner of her lower lip and her thumbs changed from drawing circles on my hip bone to soft taps against it. There was an obvious discomfort in all these actions that really wrecked my heart, but at the same time, I was looking at the most beautiful creature I had ever seen; Laura had always been bittersweet to me.

"While I might not be an expert with the whole "expressing your feelings" thing, I have been told that I am a pretty decent listener." I added, then forced a smirk. "Especially the "pretty" part."

Laura remained silent; another joke gone wrong.

God. Mother had been so wrong about me being like stone and not having any feelings at all. If this – if _Laura_ – could affect me this much, and transform me from the happiest being on earth into a sad little sack full of guilt and remorse, in a matter of seconds only, then there is no way in hell that I was unable to feel.

After another minute of silence, I started to accept the obvious; the brunette did not want to share the reason for her misery with me. Which should have been okay, considering I was not one for sharing everything myself. However, I still felt like I was failing her. Like I should be there for her, but was not, despite already holding her in my arms. Like I was not protecting her from my damn brother's grasp.

Like laughing at her for being scared of something that exceeded her fragile body ...

"When I turned six, my Mom died."

Bam, punch me in the face and you get the same fucking reaction. Utter silence.

Sure, the reveal was not really surprising since Laura had mentioned once, that her farther was a single parent. However, the fact that she did trust me with this, was.

For as long as I had known her, the brunette had never spoken of her mother. Everybody was bound to have one, so it had always been the one mystery, Laura never felt the need to share.

Ever since I had started to develop feelings for that annoying shrill of a girl, I had always been curious about Mama Hollis. Most of the time though, there had been other things to worry about. And in all the rare moments, where it had been just the two of us, it appeared inappropriate to ask; my sympathy was limited but I still had manners.

Why tell me now, though? What did Laura's mother have to do with thunderstorms?

My girlfriend took a deep, shaky breath before she opened her mouth again. All the while, her eyes stayed shut. I finally noticed, that she was just trying to keep fresh tears at bay this way.

"I had been in school for a few days only."

Her voice was low and hushed; this was sacred information. I perked up my ears.

"My birthday was in the middle of the week, so inviting my new friends over was out of the question. I was devastated, but Mom promised that we would party the next weekend and that she and I would run errands the whole of Friday afternoon. I know it sounds like no big deal, but shopping with her was always ... it was like an adventure. Like, she would tell me that other customers were mean trolls and that I should hurry, to get what we needed, before they could get to us with their bad mood and Dad would have to come and rescue his happy princesses from them." – Laura smiled against my collarbone and I found myself mimicking her; what a nauseously sweet thing to tell your kid – "... she had a gift for storytelling, y'know."

"That explains the sock puppets." I replied softly and smiled like a fool, when my girlfriend agreed with a slight chuckle. It was followed by a sniff and a hand wiping her face, but nevertheless, my bad joke had not missed its purpose like my most recent tries.

See what I mean? From misery to blissfulness in the blink of an eye ...

"It happened on our way back home."

... and back again.

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 **Author's note:**

 **So, what do you think? Do you agree to the Carm feels I pictured or do you feels like it's ooc? Let me know what you think.**

 **I'm already working on the next, and quite possibly last part. Open for more surprises from myself, though. As long as it serves a good angst/fluff Hollstein during hiatus, right? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:**

 **Hi to the new followers!**

 **Damn, it's late here and I need to get up early (going on vacation though 3), buuut I wanted to get the new chapter done before you guys have to wait another week ...**

 **So yeah. Enjoy this new chapter.**

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The amount of knots in my stomach was insane, just like the effect they had on my undead body. My throat was dry and my brain felt as stiff as my shoulders; even my thoughts seemed to clam up. My hands reacted awkwardly, too, for they clawed Laura's back to a point where I wasn't quite sure, whether or not I was about to break the soft skin.

I had never felt anything like it before. All due to the fast-building, dramatic tension ... what a little story could do to you, if you let it.

"It was already dark outside," Laura continued unexpectedly. "but I was still psyched about the whole trip."

My attention was right back where it belonged and as I looked in my girlfriend's face, I noticed that she was somewhat sombre now. Laura still held onto my arms for dear life, but the brunette stared into space. As if he wasn't with me anymore.

Whatever it was, a trance or something else, I felt bad for her. Because Laura Hollis was probably envisioning the demise of her mother all over again – one way or another.

"Mom even re-arranged my booster seat," Laura said and pulled me out of my thoughts once again. "so that I could sit on the passenger seat. Just ... this once. Because of my _damn_ birthday."

The swearing surprised me, but not necessarily for the fact that she rarely did it. It was more the amount of pure venom and loathing, that went along with her ever sweet voice.

"I remember singing my favorite song on a non-stop-basis. Some annoying Barney song. You know, that purple dragon? Mom eventually told me to stop."

For a split second, I thought I saw the ghost of a smirk – a bitter one – on her lips. Another not-so-good sign. I shivered.

"But I wouldn't listen" she continued. "I kept on singing and singing- just like she kept on trying to make me stop. I just got louder and louder- louder than her, to try and make her sing along with me, because I _loved_ singing with her, but she continued to yell at me and then, out of nowhere, there was this high pitched shrill and I jus–"

Laura drew a very deep breathe and the rattling from her lungs sounded as if they had just been burnt. Still, it was like music to my ears. Because for a moment there, I thought she was about to pass out on me.

While heavy breaths were drawn and her lean frame rose and fell in rhythm, I desperately tried to wipe the fresh tears from her face. The fact that she drilled her cheek more and more into my already sore collarbone was not helping with that, though. Sadly, there was not much that I could do for her right now. Whatever had happened that night, it was already in the past and could not be changed anymore.

I was heartbroken for the tiny human in my arms. I might not have much experience with human feelings, but after Ell I sure knew what loss felt like.

Laura stayed silent for quite a while. Her sobs had subsided eventually, but that never stopped the tears from falling. Just silently now. However, I never ceased to wipe them away vigorously either.

"During all this, Mom must have drifted off the road," – Laura's voice was raspy now – "though I am not quite sure what happened. There was just this ... this blinding light in my face ..."

As if on cue, lightning enlightened my girlfriend's beautiful face again, only this time, it was just a memory; I had seen it, the sheer terror in her eyes. "Oh my god." fell out of my mouth as I finally understood, why she had been so upset with me, for making fun of her.

I suddenly felt like the biggest asshole – well, at least sort of – alive. Which was nothing new in general, really. However, it was the first time ever, that I actually felt bad for it.

"Laura ..."

I really tried to muster an apology, but there were no words that could ever do that giant slip up any justice. So I shut my mouth again and just looked down at her head. There was only hair to see at the moment, but she began to lift herself off my body sooner than I liked, anyway. I protested at first, but let go off her, as soon as she was already half seated before me. I sat up myself, missing her warmth for the second time that night, while Laura re-adjusted her shirt and then sat in a lazy Indian style. Her shoulders hung, as did her head, but she finally looked at me from the corner of her eyes.

"It's okay." she said while wiping over her face again. Considering her eyes and nose were turning an angry shade of red now, it was not a surprise to me, that my disbelieve probably showed on my face. "It really is," she added upon my reaction. "you had no chance of knowing, so ..."

"Maybe," I said shrugging. "I still feel like a giant asshole."

Laura did not reply to that, but took my hand into both of hers, lifted it to her head and placed a lingering kiss on the back. Insane, that within her misery, she still succeeded in cheering me up with a simple gesture.

"So that ... that light," I stuttered. Damn those nerves and damn that need to know what had actually happened to the Hollis women. "I suppose it was another ..."

"Headlights." Laura clarified with a nod. "From another car, yes. It was some kind of Range Rover, so the headlights were placed a little higher than usual and since I was just a kid then ..." I already nodded but she said it anyways: "It just hit me in the eyes like a laser beam ..."

I squeezed her hand, trying to tell my girlfriend that she didn't have to continue speaking. But Laura was once again far away, lost in the memory.

"When I came to, I remember not seeing anything ... I could not move either ... and my parents were not there– I just, I _cried_ for what felt like hours. And then I heard her. Mom. Finally singing that ... that stupid song."

I reached forward – enough was enough – and pulled her into a tight hug for the both of us. If I had any doubts left, about me not having any feelings, I threw them overboard the second I felt something wet on my own cheek.

Since the small girl fit perfectly into my body, and always had, we melted into each others arms like two pieces of warm butter. We stayed like that for some time. It helped to make me feel better for sure and I hoped to have the same effect on Laura. Especially because I had no idea, what else to do.

"She told me to not be scared ..." – a sob reached my inner ear – "... and that I would be okay. And then h-her voice ... it just died out. Just a few minutes before there were people. She ... she died r-right besides me, C-Carm. And I thought ... I thought– if I had just–"

"Cupcake," I said, my voice betraying me badly. I sounded like some dying puppy – which was probably more accurate than I would ever care to admit – but it made me swallow down the sentence I had already prepared within my thoughts.

Was I really this damaged that I was not even capable of comforting my own girlfriend?

Laura turned her head a little to look me in the eye, when I didn't continue my sentence. The sorrow there was almost enough to kill me right on the spot. For real, this time.

"I just had a mild concussion and a bruised ribcage, Carm. She, on the other hand, lost her life! If I hadn't bugged her this bad–"

The words burnt like fire; I gripped her shoulders and pushed her back. "No," I practically yelled. "don't you go there! This is _not_ your fault, ok?"

"But–"

"No!" I really didn't mean to, but I yelled at her for a second time. It even made her flinch. "Absolutely not, cupcake. You are ridiculous and unreasonable. You were just a kid. And you are most definitely not responsible for every bad thing that happens around you."

Laura did not reply, instead she once again looked down at her hands, an obvious sign for me, that the brunette did not agree with that opinion.

The scales fell from my face then. In the mistaken believe, that the feisty little girl was just dangerously careless and oblivious, when it came to real danger, I had always assumed she was just a naive little girl without any sense about how the world works. With this new insight, however, it was suddenly very clear to me, where her strange hero complex originated from.

"Laura," – I hoped to finally prove the point by using her actual name repeatedly – What happened was a terrible accident and you have to trust me on that one, _right now_. You are not to blame for your ... "

I really did not want to say it out loud, but for the sake of that beautiful soul, I just had to. She had to get it.

"your mother's ... death."

The young brunette nodded vividly at that, but she also bit her lip while doing so. "I know," she mumbled. "I know, I really do, I accepted that a long time ago, it's just that– ... well, I eh, I would have been for ... yours."

Silence surrounded us for a split second, but that was still enough time for my stomach to drop. For the first time that night, Laura laughed. But it was her nervous habit. My eyebrow furrowed; my worried habit.

"What?"

"Well, your second death or whatever." – a grin, then a turned head – "Never mind."

 _Ok, that was just blatant_ , I thought.  
Obviously, she tried to shake it off. But I wouldn't let her, not when she was this vulnerable; her soul lay open to me, as well as some guilt, that was somehow connected to me. How could I ever ignore that?

"What do you mean?"

Again, she bit her lip, and I felt sick of myself for the split second I wanted to kiss it better. What a sap I had become. Disgusting! ... and incredible all at once.

"It's stupid, really."  
"It's not stupid, if it's in your head."  
"Stop smothering me with sappy-ness."  
"Stop stalling."

Ok, that was somewhat rude, but the obvious point-out seemed to do the trick. Laura sighed, then ran her hands through her hair to push it behind her shoulders, shoulders that once again dropped.

"Fine," she obliged. "I'll tell you."

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **That turned out a little more angsty than I had originally planned, but I went with the flow and it seemed right.**

 **More fluff is on the way, but before that, please let me know what you think about this chapter via a review? Also the writing style and grammar and stuff, since I'm not a native speaker and I want to learn about my mistakes.**

 **Would appreciate it, thanks :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note:**

 **Finally came around to finishing this one! Yes, it's the last chapter.**

 **Some of you probably watch(ed) The 100, too, so you probably know what happened recently. Those events sort of have me writing again, because I don't know what to do with all my feels. In fact, I feel like I'm groundhog day'ed in the 5 stages of grieve right now. #sendhelp #incoming1OOfic**

 **Anyway! Enjoy the last chapter and yeys for Carmilla S3 :)**

 **PS: No LGBTQs were harmed during the production of this chapter.**

* * *

For saying that she would tell me, Laura stayed silent for an awfully long time.

She stared at me intensely, pondering over how to approach me best, I figured.

Poor girl. Shaken to the core, but had to think about how to approach her vampiric girlfriend. What, was she afraid that I would tear her apart, if I didn't like her story? I really needed to lay off the vampire behavior for a while. At least until Laura got comfortable again.

It was funny, really. All this time I had tried to scare her away, and now, when that wasn't my intention anymore, it had finally worked. Even more absurd, though, was the fact that Laura scared me, too. That intense stare bore into me like a drill.

I ended up concentrating on her lips. The silence, I could handle, but that stare was a different story. As if she was trying to tell me, what was giving her nightmares, via a joint thought so she could avoid having to say it out loud. Sadly, life doesn't work that way.

"B-But you have to promise, not to laugh again, okay?"

 _Ouch_ , that stung. But I guess, I deserved that.

"I think I choked on the last laugh," I spoke truthfully, "so no, I will not do that again."

Laura nodded in approval and threw a deep breath. Then she removed her intense stare and, instead, started to fiddle with the blanket still wrapped around her lower body.

"When you didn't come back, I started to have nightmares. I'm sure you've noticed."

I nodded silently, trying to look into Laura's eyes, but she wouldn't let me. So the table had turned.

"It's always the same, always replaying in my head, you know? The moment, that you saved me from that light. Right before you jumped into the pit yourself."

I already knew what she was talking about, even nodded lightly, but Laura probably missed it because she was too focused on brushing her palm over the blanket again and again.

When you said "You know,"  
"I really am starting to hate this heroic vampire crap."

I had caught on fast and joined her with the rest; I remembered every word and every emphasis just as clearly as Laura did. The perfect sync of those last words, I had said to her before killing the Dean, seemed to make her smile. However, seeing that it never reached her eyes, it was just false hope fueled by bitter joy.

"Yeah. That." she continued mumbling. "I thought it was the last time that I ever saw you. Then tonight, with the thunderstorm, I thought about my mother. I guess that's why this nightmare was sort of ... intense. Really, really ... intense. I had lost Mom to that freak accident, I was hurting all over, and then I saw you. In my dream, you just walked away, into that light. And I was left there, in that car, not able to move or do anything. I thought I was back in the pit, I thought that this was it ..."

Laura squinted her eyes a little and blinked several times – a sure indication for more tears to come – so I wheeled into action. I bounced one of my fists lightly against her shoulder. "Hey," I said to get her attention in addition, "you can't kill what's already dead, creampuff."

Again, Laura smiled a sad little smile, that wasn't all too honest. I was glad that she didn't cry again, but whatever this was about, it had shaken the little human profoundly. After all, it was in the middle of the night, the thunderstorm had surpassed us already, and still, Laura hadn't come out with the core of the problem – at least I felt like there was still something missing, a piece in the puzzle. For a girl with an almost pathological need to document everything, this was pretty uncommon.

"I believed that you were dead," she started again, this time with a devotion, that made me shiver, "Nothing had ever felt so real before. For several days, there wasn't any indication of your survival. Nothing. You, and the Dean, both of you just ... evaporated. And while I was glad that all of this was over, all I could think about was why – where – I had messed up."

My eyebrows were brought together as soon as Laura lost me. She got the girl, didn't she? She saved the school, didn't she? What exactly had she messed up?

"I ... have never felt the way I felt about you before ... and then I ... I just mess it up."

"Laura," I took her hand, "what do you mean exactly?"  
"Didn't you listen?" she said loudly, "you _died_!"  
"Ya, I know, centuries ago." I pointed out. "I'm right here."

It was pretty obvious, but I felt like Laura didn't really believe in my presence. Which is why I also put both my hands to her cheeks and made her look me in the eye. Or at least tried to; Laura closed her eyed slowly, pressing a single tear out.

"You don't understand ..."

I sighed, frustrated. I raised my voice then and there, never letting go of her though.  
"Then _make me_ –"

"You died, because of _me_!"

Boom; there it was.

After the echo of Laura's outburst faded away, I swallowed the lump in my throat and brought some oxygen back into my lungs. Quickly, it occurred to me, that I should've expected this. After all, it had happened before right? When the science ginger had gone missing. Even when her Mom had died.

My mouth opened – I was so certain of what to say – but no words left my mouth. Why, I wasn't sure, but Laura took that as an invitation to continue her rambling. Not without turing herself further away from me, though.

"You said it yourself. I was just a kid when my Mom died, but I'm an adult now. I made those choices and because of them, you ended up jumping into that pit. God, I made you do all these things, ... with the sword and talking you into staying when you wanted to leave ... so it's also me to blame that you ... that you ..."

I finally freed myself from my paralysis. Just in time – or so I hoped.

"No!" I thundered. "You will _not_ finish that sentence."

Laura glared and I knew from experience, what she was about to do next. I had done it a hundred times myself, when I was still alive, just to piss off my birth parents. "I'm to blame," she said, "that you died."

A bitter smirk, almost invisible, crossed Laura's lips; probably the satisfaction from having done the exact opposite of what she had been told. Weirdly enough, the words really hurt, although they weren't true and I had already seen them coming anyway. However, the more I watched the girl before me – the obvious falter, the quiver of her lower lip, the half closed eyes glistering with unshed tears – the more I realized that it had more to do with the fact that Laura seemed to have broken her own heart with them.

"Come here, you idiot."

I pulled the stubborn human into a hug, that was resisted at first, but then welcomed. Short arms wrapped around mine and I felt her relax immediately after that. I also noticed, that I had set her tears loose.

"You have a giant heart, cupcake, you know that?" I placed a lingering kiss on her forehead, without letting her go. Not that she made any attempt of freeing herself anymore. "But sometimes, you drive me nuts with it."

"Carm," she sobbed and I ssh'ed her immediately. "None of this matters anymore" I told her. I even found myself rocking her a little again. It hard worked the first time, so why not try again?

"I ... I thought I'd lost you." Nothing but a low mumble.

"But you didn't," I reminded, "everything worked out. This is a happy ending, cutie."  
I smiled lightly. I had always hated happy endings until Laura.  
"Not one filled with nightmares, tears and misplaced guilt. And don't say it isn't misplaced, because it totally is. You're not responsible for everything that happened that night. I can and I did make my own decisions. Besides, nobody died, except for the villain. You won." – I smirked, a little proud now – "You're a hero."  
Laura convolved at that. "You're the hero."  
"Haven't I made it clear to you by now, that I'm not the hero of this piece?"  
Laura grunted into my shoulder then. "I really don't feel like one."  
"Welcome to my world."

We separated and my whole face lit up, when I saw Laura smile truthfully. It wasn't much, but it revitalised me anyway.

It also brought be back to seriousness, because now, I had her full, whole-heartedly attention.

"I'm serious though, Laura. I may have said that I don't like heroic vampire crap, but I also said that you're not responsible for every bad thing that happens around you. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to get back to you myself, but what's more important is that, somehow – and maybe even against all odds, because Xena was involved – fate brought us back together. We're here, together, and we're both okay. And there's nothing in this world that I'm more thankful for, especially after what you just told me tonight."

Laura nodded shyly, then wiped some tears away. After that, her hands were settled on my cheeks, thumbs rubbing over them. "I thought vampires don't cry?"

I was surprised to find that my girlfriend had a point; there were tears running down my face, happy tears, that she had just wiped away. I grimaced in a mixture of aversion and euphory, while Laura smiled at me. Her eyes were still sparkling from her teary gaze, as were mine, but it was still the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

"They don't." I finally answered. "See what you're doing to me? You're killin' me Hollis."

"Good thing, you're already dead then, right?"

That made us both laugh; it felt like the weight of the world finally fell from my shoulders. Judging by the content smile Laura had plastered on her face now, she was feeling the same. It was a start, the first moment, I knew that things would be alright.

Maybe things would continue to suck for a while. Maybe, when we leave the campus tomorrow, Laura will be exhausted from a restless night. Maybe she'll continue to have nightmares, because things like these can't be fixed with a few words. Maybe we'll be caught in another thunderstorm. Maybe she will dream of her dead mother again. Maybe there will be more tears for the (almost) loss and misplaced guilt. Maybe the others will make fun of her for tiring more quickly than they will.

Ultimately, maybe none of this mattered, because we were in this together and would find a way out of the darkness side by side.

Man, what a love-drunk sap Laura Hollis had turned me into; disgusting.

To this day, I love every minute of it.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **So that's it. Naturally, I had a kiss planned, but it felt too forced in the end. Besides, I think this works.**

 **Do you agree? What do you think about the whole story? Loved it/hated it? Carm a little too "heart-eye vampire ooc-ish" at the end?  
Would love to read your review/messages :)**


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